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poetry

's just me spilling my guts. feel free to laugh.

social battery.

she doesn't drain it, no, au contraire,
i would let her live with me inside my lair.

most people leave my circuits full of noise,
she leaves behind a strange and welcome poise.

i speak with hot code, diagrams - precise,
she creates with graphite, watercolor - ice.

i build from logic, measured line by line,
she fills blank canvas with her grand designs.

she sketches softly underneath the lamp,
while i refactor code until i cramp.

she comes home - paint beneath her nails,
i'm back pondering cryptic error trails.

we sit in quiet, side by side till late,
with neither feeling pressed to compensate.

the world takes plenty from me every day,
yet, somehow, she returns more than takes away.

Respawn

I gave you my smile and you treated it cheap,
Took all of my daylight, then billed me for sleep.
I patched up your chaos, you called it "my role,"
Like I was some service, not flesh with a soul.

You fed me your damage, I swallowed it whole,
Then you had the nerve to say I "lost control."
You watched me unravel and called it "a phase,"
While I burned for your comfort in ten thousand ways.

You made me believe I am hard to accept,
That asking for balance was getting in debt.
So I carved out my needs just to fit your frame,
And you still found a reason to pin me with blame.

You did this. You all did. Don't play fucking dumb,
Every cut, every fracture - look what I've become!
You stripped me for parts just to keep yourselves whole,
Now... There's nothing left here you can reach or extol.

I killed off the softness you loved to exploit,
Turned care into numbers you cannot destroy,
No warmth or forgiveness. No delicate plea.
Just clean, cold precision where a girl used to be.

Hello, have you missed me, or just came to scout,
How I just slipped into the thing you forced out?

thank you.

you know who we are.

i'd like to thank the one who wore my former name,
a tag that fit the world but not my frame.
it sounds like echoes from an older life,
a word that cuts despite not feeling "mine."
for twenty-six long years i walked in haze,
a city wrapped in dim, unrendered days.
i saw my life through glass i couldn't break,
not knowing there was more than just "awake."

he kept me running on a failing core,
when every feeling crashed against the floor.
hands steady even when the heart went numb,
shipping each day so i could still become.
he clocked in broken, logged out just the same,
built all my scaffolds out of quiet pain.
he kept the lights on in a hollow chest,
so i could boot one day and feel my best.

before i knew that people like me were,
the world felt wrong but had no shape or word.
my soul and body failed to synchronize,
like mismatched ports beneath electric skies.
i blamed the noise, the rain, the burning signs,
the endless grind of numbered days and time.
i thought this wrongness was the human fee,
a tax on just existing quietly.

my courage ran in stealth through hostile streets,
avoiding hands that wanted me erased.
was forced to live with scars inside my code,
still pushing forward with a shaking load.
i learned to speak in neutral, careful tones,
to sand my edges down to safer zones.
i walked around the words that cut too deep,
let silence hold the shape i couldn't keep.

then... fog went down, dispersed by rainbow flame,
magenta truth igniting every frame.
my real name appeared in system logs,
no ghost account behind my eyes at all.
at last, this body speaks my native tongue,
no emulation just to get along.
i stand in skin that matches what i am,
alive in ways i never knew i can.

so thank you, boy who kept me breathing slow,
who calmly crawled through hell so i could truly go.
you wore the mask, you took the wrong design,
you bore the pain so it was never mine.
you lived as numb so i could live as whole,
you saved my life without a single goal.
you carved this world from years you couldn't save,
then laid it at my feet and - smiling - dug your grave.

truth || dare

would you like to play a game of chess?

truth
did she climb the rail to feel the air,
or just to see if someone'd care?

dare
rewind the tape. don't look away.
she stepped off slow. like she'd rehearsed that day.

truth
she waited weeks for a sound, a sign.
a single word to say, "you're mine."

dare
say her name without a tear.
pretend her ghost's not whispering near.

truth
light purple bled from every thread.
a color she now fears instead.

dare
burn the shirts, inhale the smoke.
be careful, though, try not to choke.

truth
her "queen" left like morning mist.
no closure, call, or parting kiss.

dare
dial her number, let it ring.
don't say a word. don't feel a thing.

truth
she jumped because she couldn't scream.
just wanted rest from the endless dream.

dare
stand on that bridge. feel the wind bite.
then go home. live. out of spite.

truth
she broke the day the tree caught flame.
watched teldrassil burn, and whispered her name.

dare
keep her candle lit all night.
don't expect it to make things right.

truth
she loved too hard, she broke too fast.
and nothing gold was made to last.

dare
forgive her heart for being kind.
for not surviving neitolan's mind.

truth
i hear her laugh in empty space.
i still reach out. i still misplace.

dare
live the life she never could.
even if it's never good.

happy birthday, loser.

happy birthday, love. another year.
wish i could hold you, pull you near.
you wear my face, but not my smile.
still, you've walked with me every mile.

oh great, here comes the birthday ghost.
with lavender dreams and a tragic toast.
what's next? tea leaves? moonlight lore?
you left, remember? i clean the floor.

i know, i know... i left too soon.
but i'm still there, beneath your tune.
you carry me in every breath.
a girl-shaped scar, a softer death.

you say that like it makes things fair.
you handed me your cross to bear.
no guidebook, no "just in case,"
only your tears on a pillowcase.

but look at you - alive, still here.
cussing fate and facing fear.
you walk through pain and laugh through ash.
you made your bed from broken glass.

yeah, well, i sleep like shit most of the nights.
i dream in static, flinch at every light.
but fine. some incense, then one deep breath.
a muffin, half-burnt like me, cheated death.

that's us, my friend. a crooked flame.
but burning still. and not in vain.
so happy birthday, void, cursed and true.
a half of me... but wholly you.

oh fuck you. i should hate this rhyme.
but damn it. just this one last time.
happy birthday, aura. wish you were here.
no toast from me though, i don't drink beer.
you blew out your candle. like you said, too fast.
now i'm left with the smoke, and a shadow that lasts.